I love farts! I always have done. They amuse me. I mean, think about it, they embarrass people to no end. <– See what I did there? If they are loud farts, then they definitely embarrass the farter. If they are silent, smelly farts, they don’t only embarrass the farter, they also embarrass the people around the farter since they don’t know who actually farted and even though they know they didn’t fart themselves, they also know that the others may think it was them. All you need is three people or more…and a silent fart! Ha!
We all fart. Apparently we fart around 15 times a day on average! If you have eaten beans however, this number goes up considerably. If you have eaten cauliflower, stay away from others! If you have eaten whole, cooked, pickled onions, stay away from yourself too!
Even our pets fart. Our cats sometimes fart, but the smelliest farts were those of our dog, Bozo. Bozo the Magnificent, as he was known, was the best dog in the world. He was also a stinky farter! Seems like boiled chicken is also a culprit. The funny thing is that he too used to get embarrassed when he farted! The expression on his face was priceless. It was very amusing. Of course, if you have a pet and there is a fart lingering around the room, you know who will always get the blame!
I had a lot of fun with my farts when I was young. My friends will vouch for that! They, on the other hand, probably didn’t have as much fun with them as I did! I still have fun with farts. Not my own so much, but my students’. When they let off a loud one, we all crack up! Pun intended. I have taught most of them to run out of the room (or as far away from me as possible) when they feel they are about to let rip! Yes, I teach them well! You know you can actually catch your farts, right?
There are also many different kinds of farts. Some are loud and proud, others are silent but violent. Some can get “dangerous”. Some are musical. Some are trumpet-like, others are military-like…but, perhaps I should leave the rest to your imagination.
Now, some boring, old farts may not find this post funny. Others may tell me to stop fart-arsing around. So, in true Nikki fashion, I will just blow them off (yes, I did it again) with this joke from my childhood:
– What is the sharpest thing in the world?
– A fart, because it goes straight through your pants without making a hole in them!